We Must Never Speak of This Again
by TimeyWimeyGirl
Summary: As I opened the refrigerator I felt a slight breeze. Huh, whateves. I grabbed the milk and the chocolate syrup and turned around to set them on the counter. My jaw dropped to the floor and so did the milk. The Fellowship was standing in my kitchen. No romance.
1. Chapter 1

We Must Never speak of this again

**Chapter 1**

I was laying on my older sister Lily's bed in the room I shared with her with my laptop(I had been there for hours)when I suddenly squealed and than burst into screams of laughter. That fanfiction is just too funny! I thought. Just than Lily walked through the slightly colored on door. She took one look and yelled over my cackling.

"WHAT IS IT?" As I tried to explain the plot of what I'm reading she seemed to become disinterested. "Aaanyways I was going to tell you something wasn't I...Oh! We need milk! And Mom's going to run to town and get some. She's taking the littles with her."

"Okay doky." I replied. She left the room and moments later I heard the Nazgul like scream of our back door opening. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" I yelled after her.

"I left my sword outside." She shut the door which made another agonizing screech before I could argue. I ambsent-mindedly glanced at our old, beat-up pink alarm clock and noticed that it's like, almost 2:00. Better go have lunch. As I opened the refrigerator I felt a slight breeze. Huh, whateves. I grabbed the milk and the chocolate syrup and turned around to set them on the counter. My jaw dropped to the floor and so did the milk. The Fellowship was standing in my kitchen. I let out a small fangirl squeal as I looked at all of them. Yep, there was Gandalf, Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir, Frodo, and Sam and they were all covered in milk.

"Uh... do you want a towel?" I managed to say, barely containing my giggles.

"Yes, my lady." Replied Legolas sounding polite but looking confused.

"Would you mind telling us where we are?" Asked the bewildered looking ranger.

"On-"

"How am I going to get the milk out of me beard?!" Exclaimed an exasperated dwarf, cutting me off.

"It is impolite to interrupt!" I replied with an accusing glare. Seven pairs of eyes now glared in Gimli's direction.

"As I was saying you're on Earth, no middle, top, bottom, or side about it."

"Excuse me but would you like me to help you clean up the milk?" Offered Sam, speaking for the first time.

"Uh, sure." I slowly replied, fully taking in what was happening. "Hey Gandalf, how did you get here?"

"I haven't the faintest idea." Suddenly a mess of voices erupted from everyone in the room except for Gandalf and I.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" I shouted over the overlapping voices.

"APPERANTLY I'M DEAD." Replied the wizard in question. I realized they must have been in or near Lothlorien.

"QUIET!" Shouted someone (I'm not sure who) and I had a chance to confirm my thoughts.

"Where were you? I mean before you were here."

"We had just set up camp on the bank of the Anduin and we were about to have lunch." The hobbit, who I presumed to be Frodo, informed me.

"Oh, I was about to have lunch." A smile crept it's way onto my face. "Have you ever had pizza?"

"My lady, you do not seem the hunting sort. I have heard of these pizzas before, they are huge and cunning..." I rolled my eyes. Just Boromir being Boromir. Reaching into the fridge I stopped Boromir by speaking.

"Boromir, this is a pizza. No hunting involved."

"I have also heard that...uh...the flesh of the pizza is poisonous."

"Oh stop your worrying, it's food! Probably only slimy and disgusting." Gimli interrupted. Always the cheerful one he is.

Frodo spoke up. "I'll eat anything as long as it isn't lembas! No offense but it looses it's taste after a while."

_Five minutes later..._

On the outside I am eating pizza. On the inside I am thinking OMG OMG OMG THE FELLOWSHIP IS SITTING IN MY KICHEN EATING PIZZA I AM, LIKE, TOTALLY GOING TO DIE!

"We had something like this back at the mines," Gimli mused, "But we called it 'Findarizza*'."

"What does 'findarizza' mean?" I asked, amused.

"Well, roughly translated it means 'Mouthful of good fortune'." I laughed and asked Boromir

"How do you like the pizza?" But he was to busy arguing with Aragorn to notice. I turned towards Gandalf.

"Do you have any idea how you got here?" I asked him.

"As I said before I really don't know, but I would like you to answer me a few questions."

"Like what?"

"Did you notice anything peculiar when or before we arrived?" 'He sounds like he has been rehearsing his questions' I thought.

"Lemme think... uh, no."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"No, hmm. There is another question I have been meaning to ask you."

"What is it?"

"What is your name?"I smiled.

"Olivia."

"And where are your parents Olivia?"

"Dad's at work and Mom's gone to get some groceries." I felt like I was being interrogated.

"Is anyone else here?"

"Oh my gosh,Lily!"

"Who is Lily?" Our Fell Beast door screeched open and Lily came rushing through.

"YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO I FOUND OUTSIDE. IT'S MERRY AND-oh." She looked slowly around the kitchen with her face becoming more comical by the second.

"Hi Lily, the Fellowship appeared in the kitchen!" I told her excitedly.

"Oh, um... hi.." And then she fainted.

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**Cookies to anyone who reviews! **

***Findarizza is a word I made up by combining the dwarvish word Findar(Which means 'Good fortune') and one of the old origins of the word 'Pizza' which means 'Mouthful'**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay, the next chapter! I'm really excited! By the way, Lily is 16 and Olivia is 13. Thank you to all who reviewed and followed, they(The reviews and follows not the reviewers and followers) were very crunchy! Mmm, delicious! Thank you so much to these lovley people! Also, check out the poll I posted=)**

**Demoness Gone Insane,**  
**Girl of Twilight Wings,**  
**Legolas's Fried Potato,**  
**Mallosneth,**  
**michelle88222,**  
**Mrs. King Aragorn,**  
**ScribeofHeroes,**  
**Subwaymaster5501,**  
**Tiryn, and ****EvenstarWarrior**

* * *

"Lily!" I yelled.

"It's okay! I was just faking!"

"Why?" I asked as I helped her up.

"Cuz it was fun." The fellowship stared and I realized that they had no idea what was going on.

"Everybody, I would like to introduce: Lily, my sister." Before anyone could say anything Merry and Pippin tumbled through the evil door.

"Is she alright?" Pippin asked concernedly. Lily grinned at the two of them.

"She's fine." Merry decided. He looked over at Aragorn. "Oh, Aragorn you dropped this." He held up a small, silver whistle. Aragorn took it hastily and kind of sheepishly.

"Thank you Merry."He shoved it into his coat somewhere.

"What's that?" I asked. I was ignored.

Pippin addressed Aragorn with a devilish grin.

"Careful Aragorn." He said, gesturing toward Lily discretely.

"Why should I be?" He whispered in Pippin's direction.

"She's got a sword." He stated with a mischievous smile.

"A sword?" Aragorn mouthed as I tried to contain my laughter. Lily seemed to overhear him and whirled around.

"Ah yes!" She exclaimed, raising her voice and lowering her eyebrows dramatically. "A devious blade if ever there was one!" I almost started screaming with laughter but caught myself just in time. I am going to explode! "Aye, a fully equipped sword: comes with a history of violence and crime! Much like myself." She slammed the weapon down on the table. A plastic toy, clearly made in China, with much of the original chrome coating worn off. The edges of the blade were very beat up and on the whole it was cheap in construction and covered in dents and scratches.

"Ha! You call that a sword?" Said Gimli.

"Do not be deceived by the humble appearance of the weapon before you. It has carried me through thousands of duels! Across planets and planes and battles without number for which you, master dwarf, have no name."

"Is all right with her mind?" Boromir whispered to me. At that point I just couldn't help it. I burst into hysterical screams of laughter.

"Did I say something humorous my lady?" I didn't answer.

After we had explained the true nature of the "sword", we had to throw away the trash and stuff from the pizza(The hobbits were of great help.).

"Where is your hearth?" Gandalf asked, holding his pipe. I realized something.

"Sorry Gandalf, but we don't have a fireplace for you to smoke by." I said with a smile. He looked rather disappointed. Meanwhile, Lily was traipsing around the house with a blanket around her shoulders playing follow the leader with the hobbits. As I ran off to get my blanket I overheard Lily suggesting a bonfire.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I stated, smiling, and walking into the kitchen(I now had my blanket) "We can't use the wood pile so where do we get the wood?"

"We could use brush from the woods!" Countered Lily.

"Aren't we using most of that for our forts?"

"Today perhaps we can make an exception! Follow me!" And she marched out the door, across the backyard, and into the woods.

"Fine, let's go." I said half smiling. "It can't be that bad right? Right? Hmm." My question was answered by the horrible screech of the back door closing. And out the door I went.

_**Lily POV**_

I led the charge across the backyard. "CHARGE!" I yelled accordingly. Merry and Pippin followed close behind whooping and hollering in true hobbit fashion. We skid to a stop on the edge of the woods. The rest arrived a few seconds later with Gimli noticeably out of breath. Legolas gazed into the broken tree line, with something of a troubled look on his face.

"What evil came here?"

"Tornado." I panted, "Came through couple of years ago."

"A what?"

"Great big whirlwind, swept through,'WOOSH', knocked it all over." He nodded in understanding.

"Well, at least we won't lack for kindling." Aragorn said as Olivia approached.

_**Olivia POV**_

"I call Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli!" I said to Lily.

"We are right here." Replied Aragorn while Lily looked in disdain at me for my modern mannerisms.

"I mean I am taking you guys with me to find firewood." I clarified, sticking my tongue out at Lily very childishly. She ignored me and turned around to face the hobbits, the wizard, and Boromir of Gondor. "I know a great place to start!" I declared, walking off into the thickest area confidently. Lucky Gimli was short enough that he had almost no trouble with low branches, the rest of us however, not so much. As I scrambled under a large, propped up, fallen log, I asked Legolas how he liked my woods.

"You know them well."

"Well I should, I have lived here most of my life. These woods are like a second home." Before he could answer we entered a large clearing. "Here we are! Just over there," I said pointing, "There's plenty of dry wood. Let's go!" We entered a large clearing about the size of a small garage. There were a few long sticks propped up against a tree. "Just back there." I pointed to a large fallen log and walked over to it, starting to climb over it. "Did you know that you guys are some of my favorite characters?"

"What do you mean?" Replied Legolas. My brain then decided that it was a good time to remember that they didn't know they were fictional.

"Oh yeah, you aren't real. You're in books and movies."

"What's a movie?" Asked Gimli.

"I'll explain later."

"You mean we are just stories?" Said Aragorn.

"Yeah, pretty much."

* * *

**As I said before, reviews and follows are scrumptious! =D **


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay! The 3rd chapter has arrived! Please tell me if all characters are in character. Sorry about the length, I had a busy week. Orc attack and whatnot.**

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Third Person POV(**Observing Lily)_

The dark haired girl turned around to address the Hobbits, the wizard, and Boromir of Gondor.

"So! Wood."

"Lead on" The wizard smiled.

"First thing we'll need is kindling." She stated, walking over to a young tree-like plant and breaking off a twig, passing it around. Sam broke it in half, breathing in the spicy aroma. He smiled. 

"Its smells wonderful." He passed it to Boromir, who held it between his thumb and forefinger dubiously.

"Yep. Some of the best kindling in the... well here. The roots make good tea." she answered.

"You know something of woodcraft?" Gandalf asked as the branch reached him.

"No, not really. I just read a lot of books." She replied, blushing slightly at his assumption. "Besides, that's not even what we're looking for." She bent over and rummaged around in the bric-a-brac. A moment later she stood up and held a different stick high in the air, flourishing it triumphantly.

"This is what we want."

The hobbits went, "Ah."

Gandalf said, "I see."

Boromir looked confused.

Everyone immediately set to chasing down the brown resinous sticks. Boromir stuck with the halflings,

and Gandalf accompanied Lily.

"Hey, Gandalf, could you hand me that one over there?"

Gandalf reached into the brambles with his staff. The end of the staff glowed slightly. He then pulled it out with the stick attached to the tip. Plucking said stick off the end of his staff, he smiled and offered the branch to her. She grinned, and threw it in the direction of the clearing.

"So, what do you think that sister of yours is doing with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli?"

"Probably fangirling her head off."

Gandalf laughed. "Probably so."

There came a resounding crash, followed by a loud outcry in dwarvish.

"Are you alright?" Merry yelled.

"Oh yes, I'm fine!" Came back Gimli's gruff and sarcastic reply, "Only a log on my foot!"

"Not my fault!" Shouted Olivia. At that point Lily and Gandalf stopped listening.

"Am I correct in thinking this is the 21st century?" The wizard asked, bending down to pick up a stick.

"Yeah, or thereabouts. Hey, how did you figure that out?"

"I'm a wizard."

"You travel in time!?"

He wiggled his eyebrows mysteriously.

"Well? Can you?"

"A bit." Lily's curiosity had been roused. (It never took much rousing.)

"Have you you been to this century before?"

"Why yes. Quite recently in fact."

"Recently?" Lily's expression changed subtly. Slowly she added, "So... After the Balrog... You didn't happen to take a vacation... Did you?"

Gandalf reddened. Suddenly his eyebrows jumped.

"How did you-"

"Ah ah," Lily interrupted, thinking quickly, "An answer for an answer."

He grumbled a moment. Then smiled. 

"Bermuda. '79. Very warm. Nice beaches. Left my suitcase." He waited for her to react. A long pause.

"How was the traffic?"

"Terrible."

They stood for some minutes, staring one another down. It was Gandalf who finally blinked. 

"I have answered. Now. You will answer my question. How did you know of... That matter."

"Hmmm... I err, read a lot. And I know things. Like about the hobbits."

"What about-"

"That they will appear right now!" She clapped and shouted, "TENNSHUN! FRONT AND CENTER!"

As if by magic the four were there in the clearing as well, standing tall. Ish. Merry and Pippin actually saluted.

"How's the kindling?"

"We've piled up a fair bit in the glen I'd say." Frodo announced, and grinned at his fellows.

"Well done Frodo." Gandalf nodded. "I believe it's time we found out how the others are getting on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Please review because I love to just read through all you lovely peoples reviews! They are truly delicious!**

_**Olivia POV**_

"Surly this is enough wood!" Gimli said as he observed the large pile of brush we had collected.

"Shall we take it back to the clearing?" Aragorn offered.

"Um, yeah." I had to pinch myself (again) to make sure that this wasn't a dream. An arrow suddenly whizzed past my arm. Letting out a small shreik I spun around to find Legolas with his bow drawn.

"What are you doing?!" I yelled.

"I am sorry my lady, I thought I saw an orc."

"We don't have orcs. How-" I turned to see a huge dead wolf with an arrow protruding from it's neck. I turned again to face everyone else.

"We don't get wolves that size either. What's going on?"

"You mean you've never seen one?" Asked Gimli incredulously.

"No, sorry."

"It's a wolf of Erebor." Said Aragorn with a surprised look on his face. Just then there was a crash nearby, and Gandalf yelling,

"Aragorn!"

"Ho, Gandalf. I was about to call you." He turned enough to show Gandalf the dead wolf.

"Oh! That doesn't belong here!" Said Gandalf, peering down at the creature. Lily stared at it with equal intensity.

"Nice shooting Legolas." She said, without looking up.

"On a lighter note, we've gathered enough wood for the fire." I said, looking at Gandalf.

"Let's roast it." Lily blurted, still gazing at the lifeless beast.

"You're not seriously suggesting that we eat this creature?" Legolas was mortified. Aragorn unexpectedly broke in;

"I've had wolf before. It's not bad. It tastes much like venison."

"I like venison." I added.

"How will we cook it?" Said Gimli with obvious interest.

**A few minutes later...**

****" But it's so... Big." Sam's eyes were wide as he inspected the animal."How do you even cook wolf?"

"Just cook it like you do rabbit!" I said excitedly.

"There's not enough spices in my pack to-"

"There's loads in the house!" Merry interupted.

I looked at him suspiciously. "How do you know?"

"I, well, I err-"

"We were inspecting the structural integrity of your cabinets." Pip finished.

"And how were they?" Boromir chided, smiling.

"Great." Said Merry.

"Absolutely splendid. Could do with more though." Pippen grinned ernestly.

"That's what Mom said." Lily remarked.

"Come on Sam, let's go." I started out of the woods with Sam jangling his pots and pans as he followed.

**_Lily POV_**

My eyes followed my sister up to the house. As soon as she was safely inside, I looked at Gandalf.

"Well?"

"Well what?" He answered.

"We've got wood." I said, in as normal a voice as possible.

"Yes, wood." He scanned my face inquisitively.

"Sooo... Fire?" I asked breathlessly.

"Fire? Fire? What are you asking me about?" There was a twinkle in his eye.

Legolas bent down and picked up a thick, knotted chunk of wood, handing it to Gandalf with a knowing expression. Gandalf took the piece gratefully, then passed his weathered hand over it, murmering,

"_Naur an edraith ammen."_

The wood erupted in a plume of emerald sparks as he set it in the midst of the accumulated brush that we had placed in the middle of the clearing. I clapped ecstatically, in spasms of glee! Merry and Pippin were whooping and hollering at the glorious display, as everyone else grinned. Gandalf leaned back and laughed quietly. 

**Olivia POV**

**An hour or two later...**

We were all stuffed from eating way too much rabbit-wolf and were now staring into the embers of the fire.

"Sam, you are magnificent." Frodo clapped Sam on the back.

"I was only doin' my best, Mr. Frodo, sir." He beamed.

"I think it's time we went to bed." I said.

"No! It's not time for bed, it's time for storytelling!" Lily exclaimed.

"Fine you purple platypus." I grumbled.

"What kind of tales?" Asked Aragorn, between leisurely puffs at his pipe.

"Any kind of tales!" Lily seemed to be immune to sleep.

I started to nod off to sleep just as Gimli began to sing...

"_Over the Misty Mountains old,_

_With dungeons deep, _

_And caverns cold..."_

**Third person POV**

****Gandalf had just finished regaling them with a tale of the time that he was first introduced to the great Fangorn, Lord of Trees. Boromir jutted in right at the end with some ignorant joke about the whole thing, which left everyone laughing. As they all quieted down, Gandalf suddenly spoke up. 

"And what about you Lily? Perhaps you have a tale?"

She thought for a moment. Then an odd look came to her eye. She stood up. She glanced in Olivia's direction, to verify that she was asleep. Then she began.

"In a world in the far distant future, a world like and unlike this one, there was a war..."

The moon was high in the night sky when Boromir lightly touched her on the shoulder.

"My Lady, I wish that we could listen longer, but I am afraid that the little ones have all fallen asleep."

She started to argue, then sighed.

"I guess you're right."

One by one, they woke the hobbits, and Lily guided them to their beds. When it came time to wake up Olivia however, she simply refused to be woken. Finally Aragorn had to carry her inside. Soon, almost everyone was asleep. Almost everyone. Legolas stood silently on the back porch, with Gimli soundly snoring on the bench a few feet away. He had sworn that "I'll stay up as late as any elf!" but, he snored just the same. Lily was walking down the hall to her bedroom, when she stopped. She went back to the door. It was left slightly open. She soundlessly stepped outside. Legolas continued to stare at the broken horizon.

"There is something fell on the breeze tonight." He whispered. She didn't reply, but only gazed at the distant, dark clouds building up in the distance.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

**Hilo my lovelies! Sorry for the non-meatiness of the chapter, so think of it as a salad before the main course:) I am now putting thoughts in **_italic_**. Cheers!**

_**Olivia POV**_

I woke up next morning to the sound of snoring. _That's weird, Lily doesn't usually snore._ While getting out of bed, I noticed the hobbits sleeping in my younger sisters' beds. _Yes! It wasn't a dream!_ On most mornings I would try to go back to sleep, but today I got out of bed and quietly walked to the kitchen. Breakfast might be a problem, we didn't have enough cereal for so many people. So I did the only thing I could do, open all the cabinets at same time and stare at them. No ideas. I backtracked to Lily and I's room to ask her.

"Lily. Lily. Lily! ...Ugg." She just woudn't wake up. "Oh! Pancakes!" I jumped up and went back to the kitchen, looking for the giant bag of pancake mix we barely ever used. "Here we go." I heaved the bag out of the cabinet and set it on the counter with a thump. _Hmm, how many?_ I looked on the bag and inspected the label. _Two-Hundred! Wow, I don't think I need that much._ Again I backtracked to Lily and I's room and jumped on her.

"Mmmvvvvwwaaahhuuhhh." She rolled over and fell silent as I made a face and walked back to the kitchen. I finally decided on 80 and poured almost half the bag into a really big mixing bowl.

**Aragorn POV  
**

_We trooped into the kitchen, famished and drenched from the morning's dew. The serving maids tittered and laughed, I felt strangely embarrassed. My companions laughed with them and fell easily into conversation. I did not. Until Laeriel emerged from the bustle of cooks and knelt down to get a better look at us. _

"_My! By the stars of Elbereth, you're soaked!" She exclaimed in scornful, but motherly elvish. She glared at my two play-fellows._

"_For shame! Cylleruion and Eruvadhor, where have you dragged poor Estel this time!"_

"_Only to the eastern ridge," Cylleruion explained humbly. He had brilliant golden locks that gleamed only slightly less brightly for the damp. He was also a head taller than I was. He continued, "Estel wished to see the sunrise, because of the tale Glorfindel told this yester-eve."_

"_Well, you should not have done so without first asking the lord Elrond, or me."_

_At this she scooped me up in her arms and held me tight. Eruvadhor giggled silently. I glared at him._

"_The poor dear could catch cold!" At this she felt my forehead anxiously._

"_I'm fine, nana," I mumbled, feeling smothered._

"_You look tired."_

"_I'm not!"_

"_But of course he is tired," Said one of the maids in passing, "He is still asleep!"  
_

"_Asleep!?" cried another, as she then stepped closer and peered into my face, "Ha! Indeed he is! He is dreaming!"_

"_Dreaming?" wondered Cylleruion._

"_Dreaming!" Eruvadhor cried with glee._

"_Dreaming!" sang another maid._

"_Dreaming! Dreaming! Dreaming!" They chanted._

__"Dreaming...Dreaming―" I woke with a start. At first I was at a loss as to where I was. Then a wondrous smell wafted into my senses. Boromir stirred on the couch across the room from me.

I watched as he sat up slowly, yawned and stretched. He glanced about, (much as I had done,) and seemed to remember where he was. Suddenly he lifted his nose in the air, as a hound does, and inhaled deeply.

"Ahh... What glory is that?"

I stood. "What say we find out?"

**Olivia POV**

I heard the soft pitter-patter of hobbit feet as I poured the batter onto the griddle.

"Morning." I said.

"Good morning! Are those fry cakes?" Replied Pippin.

"Why yes they are. Here, make yourself useful." I handed him a spatula and motioned towards the griddle. Merry dragged over one of the chairs from the table and the two of them scrambled up into it.  
Merry looked askance at the mixing bowl.

"Oh! That can't be all that you're cooking!"

"This is almost twice as much as we need-"

"We'll starve to death," Pippin moaned.

"No you won't! This is almost twice as much as we need for everyone to have five. You'll be- HEY!" I had turned away from the bowl so I could speak to Pippin. In the split second that my back was turned, Merry had crept onto the counter behind me and dumped the rest of the pancake mix into the bowl. "What the- Ugg! Seriously! Now I'll have to measure out more water." I enlisted Merry and Pippin to help keep track of cups of water I added. Sam piped up,

"Fry cakes?"

"Hello Sam. Yep, they're almost done. Not."

"Well, can I help?"

"Yeah sure." He immediately began suggesting this or that spice, and dashing about from cupboard to cupboard, appearing to be in his element. Fifteen minutes later a tower of pancakes loomed above us. As we stared up in awe at what we had accomplished, Aragorn and Boromir stumbled in from the living room, still bleary from staying up last night.

"What... Is... That?" Asked Bormir. Aragorn simply stared.

"Pancakes. And I suggest you dig in before these hobbits eat them all." Gandalf was smiling broadly.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

"Oh! I can't stomach another mouthful!" Gimli groaned.

"Will someone pass the butter and syrup?" asked Sam. Again.

"I presume you will also want pancakes with that?" Lily said politely, (well, as polite as one can with a mouthful of pancake.)

"Well, yes," he smiled sheepishly, forking a few more off the plate.

Boromir leaned back in his chair and sighed. "That has to have been the most sumptuous repast I have enjoyed for a great while. Why, I would even say that the elves of Lothlorien have met their match. What do you say to that Legolas?"

Legolas did not respond. He wasn't at the table.

"Where did he get to, Gimli?" Aragorn asked.

"Still on the porch I reckon. Probably sleeping on his feet, you know how they do." Gimli grunted.

Aragorn quietly stood up and walked to the door. He pulled the sliding door open _very slowly_, so instead of 'SCREEEEEKCH!,' it went 'SCRuh-Schruh Schreee!' Stepping outside, he found Legolas standing, staring out at the broken wood, the distant west, and the darkling clouds that shrouded the sky. Aragorn watched for a moment. His mortal eyes may not have been as keen as his friend's were, but they saw the vision of growing evil as well.

"What do you see Legolas?"

"Something is coming. We will have to fight it. All of us."

Aragorn turned to look back through the glass at those still gathered around the table.

"The hobbits?"

Legolas nodded.

"The girls too?" Aragorn's face was a mask of concern.

Legolas was about to respond when the door screeched open and Olivia stood in the doorway.

"Hey, umm, Legolas?"

"Yes?" he turned.

"Well, I was thinking..." She looked like she wanted to ask for something and was just to shy to say.

"I my 4-H shooting sports teacher says I'm really good at archery, so... I was wondering..."

She pulled out a bow that was made of a strong substance which he was not familiar with. "Maybe you could teach me a little?"

Legolas's eyebrows furrowed, and it looked like he might say no. He looked to Aragorn. Aragorn whispered something in sindarin, that caused the elf to brighten somewhat, then become serious again. He considered a moment, then glanced at Olivia.

" Henion." he said finally.

"Understand what?" She asked.

He looked at her in surprise.

"Heniach nin?"

" Yeah, a little. I've been learning off the Internet."

His face lit up.

"Mas?" he said with a broad smile.

"Down there. We can practice by the shooting range." She answered excitedly.

Aragorn watched the two of them walk down the steps and towards what she had referred to as the shooting range. He went to the door only to be blocked by Lily.

"I heard what she said."

"And?"

She held out her 'sword ' threateningly.

"If she gets archery, then I want swording lessons."

The corner of his lip twitched, as he suppressed a smile.

"It would appear that I have no choice. However, I am unsure as to how I am to train you, unless perhaps, you have another sword?"

She looked at him in disgust. "I'll get _you_ a different sword. Then we'll be even." She disappeared before he could argue.

**Third person POV** **observing hobbits**

The hobbits were gathered in the girl's room. After jumping on the beds for a while, Merry had found a stash of swords like Lily's.

"I am Lily, and I say we will investigate that bush over there!" Merry pointed to the chest of toys.

"That's not a bush." stated Frodo.

"I know!" He put on a lisp, _"__That's what makths it thpecial."_

Pippin laughed. "_Thatsth her alrighth!"_

Sam meanwhile had climbed onto one of the lower bunks.  
"What in middle earth is this?"

The rest of the group joined him on the bed.

"It's beautiful." He gasped.

It was. It hung on a heavy silver chain. The front was worn to a near mirror finish. Sam reverently turned the object over. The other side was deeply engraved with markings exceedingly strange. Circles on circles, straight lines, and odd cogwheel shapes. In its center was a perfect circle of flawless glass, through which one could see the spring as it whisked back and forth, and a multitude of moving gears.

Some were large and slow, some almost infinitesimally small. He held the device up to his ear. It whirred and clicked, tapped and twanged, and with every passing second came a sonorous 'Clang' that seemed to echo, as if the interior went on forever. However, there was one rhythm that was clearer than all the rest:

'Tick-tick-tick-tick'

'Tick-tick-tick-tick'

'Tick-tick-tick-tick...'

It felt alive. He felt its intricate pulse against his palm. He pulled it away, blinked, and looked at it again.

It was a watch. Nothing more.

Meanwhile Merry had noticed a something shoved up between the mattress of the upper bunk and the wooden struts holding it up. He reached up and pulled out what looked like a human size knife in a stiff blackened leather scabbered. On the scabbered was an unfamiliar device in deep red. Merry pulled the knife out.

"Woah! Where'd you find that?" Exclaimed Pip.

The blade was simple, but looked wickedly sharp. There was also a slit in the mid part of the shaft extending from where the blade met the hilt to about five inches down the length of the blade. The blade itself was some ten inches long. Its hilt was formed of a hard, black, non-metalic substance, and was of nearly equal length as the blade. The pommel was covered with half-inch spikes of the same dark substance, and looked almost as lethal as the blade. Everyone gazed at the cruel weapon. Merry noticed something else. With his thumb he pressed a tab on one side of the hilt. This caused two additional twin blades, each three inches long, to sprout from the hilt on opposite sides of the main blade.

"Do you think it's hers?" asked Sam.

In response, they heard gandalf yell, "They are upon us! DEFEND YOURSELVES!"


	7. Bloopers

**Really extremely sorry about the wait but I'm afraid you will have to wait a little longer:( If the next chapter doesn't come in the next few hours it probably won't be posted for a couple days. Meanwhile here are some bloopers of earlier chapters! **

**#1:**

"We don't get wolves that size either. What's going on?"

"You mean you've never seen one?" Asked Gimli incredulously.

"No, sorry."

"It's a wolf of Aragorn."

"What the-?!" Aragorn suddenly started sprouting thick hair all over. A few seconds later he had become a huge wolf wearing a purple jersey.

"RAAARGG!" He roared. I screamed loud and hard bloody murder. In my last moments I wondered how this was possible and then he ate us all.

The End.

**#2:**

"I like venison." I cupcaked.

**#3**

"We'll starve to death," Pippin moaned.

"No you won't! This is almost twice as much as we need for everyone to have five. You'll be- HEY!" I had turned away from the bowl so I could speak to Pippin. In the split second that my back was turned, Merry had crept onto the counter behind me and stuck a can(empty), a liver, and a a large cow into the bowl. "What the- Ugg! Seriously! Now I'll have to measure out more water." I enlisted Merry and Pippin to help keep track of cups of water I added. Sam piped up,

"Fry cakes?"

"Hello Sam. Yep, they're almost done. Not."

"Well, can I help?"

"Yeah sure. I'll warn you, it has some odd ingrediants." He immediately began suggesting this or that spice, and dashing about from cupboard to cupboard, appearing to be in his element. Fifteen minutes later a tower of pancakes loomed above us. Also a cow. As we stared up in awe at what we had accomplished, Aragorn and Boromir stumbled in from the living room, still bleary from staying up last night.

"What... Is... That?" Asked Bormir. Aragorn simply stared.

"Pancakes/cow/liver. And I suggest you dig in before these hobbits eat them all." Gandalf was smiling broadly.


	8. Chapter 7

**I am so sorry about making you wait! To make up, here is a nice long chapter:D**

**3rd Person POV**

Olivia trained her eyes on the dusty, beat up foam target downrange. She let out a breath, and the arrow flew from her fingers. 'Thwak!' She rested her hold on her bow and looked at her handiwork. Bullseye, or just slightly to the left of it. She smiled, reached back into her quiver and repeated the process. Legolas stood a few feet to her right, watching with interest, trying desperately to find something he could teach her that she didn't seem to know. He greatly enjoyed meeting someone with such innate skill. He could hear Aragorn and Lily swinging away at one another with the toy swords some distance away. Every once and a while Aragorn would give a word of encouragement, or pause a moment to demonstrate a specific attack. Suddenly he felt a shapeless, threatening darkness nearly overwhelm him. Olivia had just let loose another arrow when a grimy head slid into being from somewhere beyond her target. The arrow hit the creature squarely in the eye. She screamed. The sound shocked him into action.

"Yrch! Yrch anglenno!" He grabbed her hand and bolted away from the terrible sight. Orcs, appearing from out of the air, surrounded by an unnatural violet glow. Aragorn immediately dropped the toy and took up Andúril.

"Get to the house." he shouted in his calm way. She didn't argue. Olivia entered the house just after Lily. Just in time to catch her with a hand on the door leading to―

"Hey! No modern weaponry!" Lily whirled round, she looked confused.

"What do you mean no-"

"They don't know about that stuff!"

"They're orcs! They'll learn!"

"No not them, the others!"

"For crying out loud Olivia!" Lily shouted, "Have you seen what's going on!? A few mags of nine milimeter can't hurt, I mean they're orcs! I feel obligated to-"

"No guns! It's just not done."

"Aww! Come on! Just the Glock?"

"No." Just then Gandalf barged in.

"Why are you two just standing around! We must fend off this attack! All must fight!" He roared, his eyes full of fire. Taking his staff, he muttered something unintelligable then passed the staff over both of them. Olivia sensed a tingling in her arms and legs. She felt light, light enough she could almost fly. Her quiver, however, was heavier then it had been. She pulled out an arrow. Its blunt training tip was gone, replaced by a glittering, razor-sharp broad head. Lily felt no tingling, but watched transfixed as her sword morphed into a blade that was beyond her imagination. Gandalf yanked the door open, yelling, "Fight your foes!" They glanced at each other. Then ran out the door.

The backyard broiled in absolute chaos as orcs numbering in hundreds continued to pour into the fray. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were fighting like mad only a yard from the porch steps.

"I'm staying up here!" Said Olivia, backing away.

"Oh no you're not!" Lily started to drag her off the porch.

"I can shoot more easily from up here!" She screamed, pulling away from Lily.

"Suit yourself." Lily drew her sword and lept down the stairs to stand beside Gimli. Olivia stood back from the rest and started sending arrows into the center of the mass, using the "It'll hit something if I put it in the middle" theory. Then she felt something hard and small hit the top of her head.

"Ow!" She looked up to find Pippin waving a slingshot happily as the other hobbits hurled tiny silver ballbearings down at the orcs from an upstairs window. Gimli swung his ax around to chop the legs out from under an orc, realizing too late Lily's dangerous proximity.

"Oh!" The dwarf turned, pale and stricken. But Lily had somehow entirely avoided injury. Having jumped clear of the flying blade, she smiled in a way that could only be described as the grin of a maniac. Gimli was relieved to say the least. Aragorn glanced back, saw Lily and opened his mouth to say something like 'Get back in the house', but was interrupted. Gandalf ducked his head out the door and yelled.

"It's alright Aragorn, they're quite capable, I wouldn't have sent them otherwise!" He dodged a blackened arrow and went back inside to protect the hobbits. Aragorn didn't argue. He had known Gandalf for a very long time and trusted his judgement on the matter. That and there really wasn't time for fuller explanation on Gandalf's part. Gimli however was unconvinced.

"Battle is no place for lasses." He grumbled under his beard.

"YOU WANNA BET!?" Lily howled, as she ripped her sword from a former orc. The adrenaline had definitely kicked in. Or maybe she was just crazy. Meanwhile, Legolas and Olivia had leaped onto the porch railing to better shoot the orcs.

"This is a lot harder than Call of Duty!" Olivia gasped, to no one in particular.

"What?" Legolas asked.

"Uh...Bad orcs! Bad!" She shouted.

"Gurth an glamhoth!" Legolas shouted.

"Yeah! Glammoth! Avast you filthy din-horde! KNOW YOU NOT THAT WHICH HAS COME UPON YOU!?" Lily screamed with a violent thrust that severed an ugly head from its neck. She had no idea what glamhoth meant, only that it sounded aggressive and bloody. Aragorn was shocked. This was not the girl he had trained earlier. She had been eager, and she had had some natural talent, but this girl was an animal. Wild, fierce, a violent maia. Insane. The five fighters were slaying orcs left and right, however to their dismay there seemed to be no less of them. In the distance the wall of violet cloud billowed and buffled and grew ever more tall, dark and menacing. It mingled with the ever-growing dark clouds above the house.

"You know, I had a dream like this once, only the hobbits were in a tree," She pauses long enough to shoot another arrow,"Gimli was on the roof," another arrow, "And Gandalf was driving a taxi to get some pizza-" Just then an orc jumped up and almost pulled her down. Legolas put an arrow down its throat just in time. They both fell back to the deck. Olivia was obvoiusly shaken. Legolas reached out a hand and she took it, smiling gratefully. As they stood back up they heard Lily yell,

"I hate to say it, but I think it's time for a tactical retreat!"

"Retreat?!" Gimli shouted incredulously.

"Yeah, I know, terrible idea." She grunted sarcastically.

"Where to?" Aragorn asked, as he retreived Andúril from the chest of a dead Uruk-Hai. Olivia glanced up and across the yard to the huge rusting metal cylinder just over the fence.

"Good idea, Olivia. Alright men, to the water tower!"Lily hollered.

"Wait!" Legolas interupted, stabbing an orc with a long knife, "Shouldn't we try to distract them first, keep them busy enough to let us retreat in the meantime?"

"Did I hear someone say retreat?" Gandalf's eyebrows bent down almost furiously.

"Yes please!" Olivia pleaded, "Could you distract them?"

He took in the scene and his eyes softened.

**Orc chieftain POV**

AAACH! MY EYES! (a scorching light is emenating from that awful wizard's beating stick)

YOU CREWLING MAGGOTTS! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!

**Authoress's POV**

AHHH! What's going to happen! Will they make it? Who's going to clean up the dead orcs! Here is the translation of the elvish used in this chapter and chapter six:

Henion … I understand.

Heniach nin … Do you understand me?

Mas … Where?

Yrch! Yrch anglenno! … Orcs! Orcs are coming!

Gurth an glamhoth! … Death to the din-horde! (Orcs)

Glamhoth … Din-horde


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Aragorn and Gimli stood on the other side of the (locked) chain-link fence. Aragorn knew he could leap over, but Gimli? Legolas paced worriedly, having already crossed the fence. Gimli spoke up.

"Toss me."

Aragorn looked at him incredulously. Then wondered why he hadn't thought of this before.

"Toss me!" Gimli demanded, eyeing the enraged throng of orcs that were barely fifty yards away.

Aragorn heaved him up and prepared to throw.

"Hold on! Wait! I-" Gimli protested, looking like he wished to change his mind.

"Don't worry Gimli! I'll catch you!" Legolas shouted enthusiastically. Before Gimli could argue Aragorn hefted him over the fence. Legolas caught the dwarf neatly in his arms and quickly set him on his feet.

"You know there are times when I wish I was small as you." Legolas said smiling down at his friend. "You have to admit it is quite convenient."

Gimli glowered. Aragorn landed between the two of them before Gimli could think of something clever to say to Legolas.

"Gandalf!" Aragorn called out.

"Here Aragorn!" Gandalf walked out from behind the tower followed by the the girls, the hobbits, and Boromir who sported a minor wound to his shoulder, but was otherwise unharmed.

"What do you think, Gandalf?" Aragorn asked. The old wizard stroked his beard in thought.

"We must get a better idea of what is going on. What those creatures of Saruman are doing here, where are they coming from...How do we send them back..."

"Well they certainly aren't going anywhere!" Boromir shouted, unsure what else to say.

"Well obviously, no. But we need to see where they are coming from exactly. I did get a look from the window, but definitely not as long as I would have liked." He looked up at the water tower. "Legolas, how about you and Olivia climb up there and get a better look."

"What?!" Olivia protested. "I am _not_ climbing all the way up there! I mean, I'm not afraid of heights usually but that's suicide!"

"You'll do just fine." Gandalf motioned toward the rickety tower and Olivia trudged after Legolas.

_Don't look down don't look down don't look down_. Olivia took a deep breath and grabbed the next rung. She let out the breath and repeated the process. _Breath, grab, breath, grab. _Then she looked down.

"Eeekk!" She grabbed the ladder and held on tight, staring at the wall in front of her. "I had a dream like this once. Only in the dream I fell in and drowned. Somehow." She took a breath and grabbed the next rung.

"Are you alright?" She heard a yell from below, but refused to look.

"NO!" She responded. "I'M TERRIFIED! THANK YOU VERY MUCH GANDALF!"

"You're welcome." Came back Gandalf's response. She heard a clang and looked up. Legolas had reached the top, which she saw wasn't actually that far away. _Just one more rung._ She slowly and carefully climbed up on top of the tower and took a deep breath. _Wow, everything is so tiny._ The orcs looked like ants, ants that were appearing out of a glowing cloud thing. She looked up and saw a huge dark cloud. She looked back down, but the glow cloud was gone. There was a shriek from below and she saw the cloud directly below her. Everyone on the ground was fighting like mad. _And of course I didn't bring my bow. _Legolas was sending arrows down like, well, like Legolas. She slowly made her way to the edge and looked down. Bad idea. She clung to the flat surface and tore her eyes away from the tiny battle. Instead of down, she looked forward to the place where they first saw the hoard. Then she saw it. Behind the log backstop at the end of the range was a small thicket. A deep purple streak suspended in mid air, like a scar, or a... a rift!

"Legolas! Look!"

He glanced up momentarily, his eyes widen. "Am man theled?" (For what purpose?)

"It's a rift! That's where they were coming from!" she gasped, "And it might be your way out! Legolas!"

"Yes?"

"We need do get down!"

"What?"

"We must get down! I have to tell Gandalf!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Bedithon minui." (I will go first.) Legolas started down the ladder into the fray, and Olivia followed. The glow cloud had become a thick, purplish, glowing fog. As she climbed down into the fog, her eyes began to water.

"Gandalf!" she cried, hearing him shouting from somewhere nearby. She also heard Lily yelling some polysyllabic Shakespearean pirate-themed insult at the orc she was chasing. She headed towards Gandalf's voice, but was cut off by a repulsive orc wielding a long, blackened, toothy, meat cleaver. She reached for her arrows but, of course, they were with her bow, which she had unceremoniously dumped on Lily before her climb. The orc snarled and prepared to strike, leaning forward menacingly. Suddenly a blade protruded from its torso, and it gurgled and fell to the ground. Aragorn jerked his sword from the corpse, looking up at Olivia with tears streaming from his eyes.

"Aragorn! Are you alright!?" He rubs his bleary eyes with his sleeve.

"It's this fog. It stings like smoke. You called for Gandalf?"

"Yes! I have to tell him something!"

"This way." He lead her a short distance around the structure, killing orcs at every opportunity. They found Gandalf taking a breather, sword in hand, with the orcs standing well back. The hobbits clustered behind him, exhausted. She ran to him.

"Gandalf! I think I found where they came from!"

"What now?" she quickly described what she'd seen. And her idea.

"You say there is a gateway? We cannot delay. Legolas! Gimli! Boromir! Lily!"

Boromir stumbled into sight just before Legolas and Gimli did.

"This fowl reek surely will be the death of us!" Boromir moaned. Legolas trotted a pace or two behind, bow at the ready, as Gimli trudged along next to him.

"You know laddie, I think you might be right for once."

"Olivia has seen the door through which we must pass if we hope to return to our world. We make for it at once." Gandalf ordered.

"Wait." Frodo glanced about wearily. "Where's Lily?"

"Lily?" Olivia turns pale,

"LILY!"


	10. Snippet

**The next chapter IS coming! I promise! However, it's taking longer than normal because it requires much thought. Why? Because it's the last chapter, that's why! For now, I give you... (Drum roll) A small preview!**

"Is it lost, precious?"

I turned towards the voice. There was no one there.

"Is it..._confused?_ Gollum! Gollum!"

I turned again. Still no one.

"Hee-Hee! Can't see!" I felt a hard pull on my trenchcoat.

"Hey-" Without warning I hit the ground with enough force to nearly knock the wind out of me. I heard something nasty whispering in my ear.

"Isss it...Tasty?"


End file.
